Trust Is A Hard Thing To Give
by Nomad92
Summary: He's been neglected, abused. All Toris wants is too forget. But forgiving, and learning to trust again, that's going to take some time. Warnings: AU, Angsty teen Lithuania, Evil abusive Russia. Rated T, for safety
1. Prologue

"_P-please…" The pain. It was terrible. Why wouldn't it stop?!_

"_U-uncle…p-please! I'm sorry!" The pain continued as he apologized for things he didn't do._

_As he lied on the floor he could see red, splattered like paint across the floor, the odor of vodka hung strong in the air as the beatings only got worse. When he finally couldn't take any more he screamed, voice broken and torn like his body. Suddenly it stopped, as if his yell was a signal. But then he heard it. That voice that send icy chills down his spine even as it trembled in agony._

"_You vish for me to stop….da?" the voice asked, sounding eerily childish through slurred drunkenness._

_He remained silent, afraid that he'd say something wrong and the thrashings would re-commence._

_Violet orbs glistened in amusement. "You vish for it to end?"_

"_Y-yes…I-I mean…"_

"_Very vell, I vill end it for you, da?"_

_The words did nothing to comfort him. None of the things the towering man ever said were pleasant in the slightest. But at least he would stop the pain._

_Or so he thought. The boy's eyes widened in horror as he saw the man suddenly grab an object from the corner. It was his pipe._

NO! No, no, no, no, god please no!

_The red dried blood stains that coated it were easily visible, even in the dim light of the room. God, the feeling he received just from looking at it was like plunging into a tub of ice-water he couldn't escape from, chilling his his body to the bone, lungs constricting. His uncle's pipe was only for when he was in an especially bad mood, or when he got a little too _into_ his beatings. It looked like this was one of those times. The last time he had used his pipe the boy had ended up in the hospital, and only because their neighbor had noticed the especially large bruise on his broken leg._

_Knowing his uncle, this time he would not let anyone find out._

_He swung, and all the boy could do was sit there, screaming in terror as the dull shining metal closed in…_

_----_

Toris bolted up from his pillow, which was currently dripping with sweat, panting as if he'd run a marathon. His normally calm face was clammy and wide-eyed. His semi-long hair clung to his face and neck.

Why the heck was he still dreaming about _him?_ The teen slowly drew a hand up and covered his face in an attempt to calm himself down. He shouldn't have been having those dreams anymore. It'd already been two years since he had escaped.

Quickly Toris turned to his roommate. Feliks was, thankfully, still asleep, meaning that he hadn't been screaming throughout the nightmare. For the first few months he hadn't been able to help it, begging for mercy in the middle of the night to a person that wasn't even there. His dorm advisor had to give him his own room until it was determined that he could overcome these fits.

And eventually he did. But the pain was still there. He knew, it would always be there…

* * *

So what do ya think? At first I was afraid this would be maybe a bit too angsty to post, but then I figured, what the heck! XD

Just to let you know, this is basically like an introduction. The actual chapters should be much longer. :D

Please review and let me know how the start to my second chapter fic was! I loves reviews!....and Maple Cookies, but reviews are good too! :D


	2. Chapter 1

Why couldn't it ever rain on a school day? Toris looked irritatedly up at the sky through the classroom window as he leaned on it. For some reason, he could just never get a break when it came to the weather. It had been a complete downpour Saturday and Sunday, but no, today it just had to be crystal blue clear. Normally Toris wouldn't have minded this at all, except for the fact that he had gym.

The young brunet thought back, staring up at that sea of sky, to when, even on days like this, it used to be so dark. Dark and cold, like space, only not nearly as breath-taking. The days would drag on, filled with prayers that his uncle would not return from his job - whatever it was - drunk and in the mood for a beating. That's usually how it was though; causing his nephew pain was some kind of sick stress relief for the man. And on more than one occasion it had involved _that pipe_...

_Blood..._

_"...it's cold..."_

_...I'm sorry...I'm a bad child..._

_...I don't deserve to live..._

_"...I'm sorry...mama..."_

He unconciously shivered, the memories too painful. Especially about his mother. He hadn't thought about her in months. Why did Toris always have to torment himself like that? That life was over, gone...at least...he hoped it was...

"HEY! Tor, are you even listening?"

"Hmn, what?"

Pushing away from the plain classroom window, Toris - apparently nicknamed Tor now - looked back to see who had rather focefully called him. Behind him stood his best friend and roommate, Feliks Lukasiewicz, who looked as if he had just missed a major sale. Note: not the best mood for him to be in, for his and other's safety. On him was his usual school attire, the regular St. Hetalia uniform - the girl's - , a red and black plaid skirt along with a white button up shirt, a matching purse slung over one shoulder, and cute little red and black hair pins pulling his right bangs out of his face. Said face, normally bright and bubbly, was currently in a deep frown. Toris didn't like that. Feliks was his best friend - more like his only friend - and seeing the blonde troubled like that made him upset too. He usually tried to stay away from such emotions, as they caused bad memories to rise to the surface. Toris did _not_ want Feliks to see him like that. _Ever._

"Torry! I, like, can't believe you forgot we were, like, all going to the movies today!"

So now he was _'Torry'_? Wait...movies?

"What movie?"

"Ugh!" Feliks looked about ready to kill someone. "You totally _did_ forget!"

"Umm...sorry?" Toris could vaguely remember something about movies, but after last night's dream, everything in his mind just sort of shut down. Which is why he had to serve lunch detention that day with Mrs. Fritz for forgetting the _'Process of Mitosis'_, or something like that.

"You know, you were off today in biology too," Feliks pointed out. Was he a mind reader or something? "That's, like, totally not like you at all. You're supposed to be, like, this walking, athletically challenged, brain or something and _I_ knew the answer when _you_ didn't! If that, like, totally doesn't tell me something's wrong, then I, like, don't know what does." Feliks finished his little speech by flinging his hands into the air, as if exasperated.

He gave a sigh. "Feliks, I'm okay, really. I just couldn't sleep last night and was a little out of it in class. Nothing for you to worry about." There, that wasn't a total lie, and this way Toris wouldn't have to go into any unnecessary details. He hated not telling his best friend the whole truth, but it was the only way.

Feliks continued to glare at him, arms crossed, foot tapping, looking as if he didn't completely buy it. But the bell was about to ring, and knowing his Polish friend, he would _not_ want to be the last person to the movie theater.

"Whatevs', I forgive you Tor, just promise you won't scare me like that again. The day you're not smart is, like, the Apocalypse or something!" He said dramatically. At that moment the afternoon bell rang, signaling the blonde cross-dresser to drag his friend out of the classroom so they could get to the theater.

-o-o-o-

Feliks was worried. Not just the _little-nagging-voice-in-the-back-of-your-head_ worried; this was full blown _OMG-what-the-heck-is going-on,_ best friend worried.

Toris, Feliks' closest friend in the whole world since they had met in Freshman year, was not concentrating in Biology! That was certainly cause for panic. Normally, people would think that not paying attention in class was average, especially for a high school student, and that Feliks was over-reacting. But those people didn't know Toris. He was a hard working honors student to the very end. He believed that he had to earn his stay at St. Hetalia boarding school, since, for reasons unknown to Feliks, he had been given free tuition and lived there year round.

The Pole was currently walking with Toris and a group of his other friends toward the movie theater when the thought hit him. _'Now that I think about it, __Tor's, like, never really talked about himself much, has he?_'

It was true. The moment the two had met, Feliks had flown into a very animated one-sided conversation about himself, what his home back in California was like, his hobbies, his favorite color, etc. Toris knew everything there was to know when it came to Feliks. Last spring break he had been dragged to the other side of the country to meet Feliks' parents, cousins, and pet _miniature_ horse.

But when it came to himself, Feliks didn't even know if he had any siblings or not, let alone what his parents were like or if they were even together. _'Oh!'_ he thought, _'what if that's it? Maybe he, like, has a bad home life and is embarrassed by it!'_

But wait, if that was the case then why did he live at St. Hetalia's 365 days a year? It just didn't make any sense. If he was an orphan then you'd think there was at least an orphanage for him to live at during the summer and winter breaks, right? _'Agh, this is all just too confusing! Torry, why won't you, like, just tell me?'_

_"_Hey Feliks, you there?"

"Huh? What?"

There was Toris standing right in front of him, the movie theater could be seen in the distance, with a look of worry on his face, if you could even call that almost blank expression worry. Feliks had to keep from giggling at that. Toris had about the expression range of a rock. Nothing phased him, and if something did it was usually because he was annoyed or someone had actually managed to make him snicker. He thought '_snicker_' because Feliks had never once seen his friend burst out laughing. He was patiently waiting, however, for that day to come.

"Oh, it's, like, nothing Torry. Just, like, thinkin' is all!" A bright smile quickly lit his features, completely forgetting his previous melancholy thoughts.

A sigh. "Now who's the one spacing out?"

Feliks just laughed, pulling his somewhat annoyed, somewhat amused best friend toward the theater. Any secrets between them didn't matter right now. He just wanted this friendship to last.

* * *

...wow.

I didn't expect this chapter to be so... not angsty! XD But I mean, Feliks was in it, so it was kinda impossible. He's just a little ball of sunshine!

Just to put it out there, yes, I did give Feliks a pony. It was inevitable, don't deny it. And he knows nothing about our sad little protagonist's past. I want him to find out later, to add to the drama.

I also want Toris to make some more friends later on, since this is a story about him openning up again after an abusive childhood. But! I have no idea who those friends should be, so if you have any comments or ideas, that would be great! :D But it can't be Estonia or Latvia. Sorry, but I already have plans for them.

Also, I have been reading _Tsubasa Resevoir Chronicle_ like mad the past few weeks, so you know what that means _Tsubasa_ fans! Nicknames! XD I couldn't help but imagine Feliks as Fai, giving Toris all these cute nicknames just like Kuro-chan! (If you do not know _Tsubasa_, read it online, or buy the manga. It is epic win.)

Thanks for reading, and please don't keep that cute little button waiting.

(I do not own Hetalia or any related characters/ideas)


	3. Chapter 2

Ok, first I want to thank all the people who have reviewed and favorited/alerted this story. It really means a lot to me. :D

Stupid allergies...at least...I think they're allergies. Either way, my head's been pounding like crazy and my nose has been running like a faucet, so I apologize for the extremely late update.

One warning before you start though. I hadn't intended this when I first started writing, but it just kind of happened. Yes, I admit there is some slight alcohol consumption in this chapter, so I do apologize. I tried to make it as light as possible so I don't think it should need an M rating...come on, they're teenagers, what'd you expect?! XD

(I do not own Hetalia or any related characters/ideas)

"Regular words" & text

_"Flashbacks, thoughts or memories"_

* * *

Apparently Feliks had some weird obsession with movies. Last week they had seen a total of five movies with their friends at the theater downtown, and now they were having a movie marathon in his and Toris' dorm room after hours, which by the way, was against school rules and if they got caught would most likely get a month's worth of detention.

"Aw, come on Torry, you like, totally need to lighten up!" Feliks proclaimed, a little too loudly, when his friend expressed his concern. "Like, what's the harm in a little fun? Besides, like no-one checks in on the dorms after ten. The teachers are all, like, too busy grading papers or whatever."

Besides the two there was Kiku, Alfred, Matthew, Roderich, Elizaveta, Feliciano, Lovino, and Arthur, all cramped into the little dorm room, on the beds and the floor trying to get comfortable, watching the movie and their friends bickering at the same time. Kiku, Matthew, Roderich and perhaps Lovino were probably the closest Toris had to friends besides Feliks, seeing as they were all relatively normal. The rest, Alfred, Arthur, Elizaveta and Feliciano, were there for Feliks, their cross-dressing, boisterous, fun-loving blonde and didn't really know Toris all that well, other than that he was Feliks' roommate.

"But Feliks," said roommate replied as they were already half-way through _'Confessions of a Shopaholic'_ (Feliks' choice), "what if someone does catch us? You and Alfred can't afford another detention." At this everyone in the room laughed, including Alfred's brother, Matthew. It was true though, they had both already served at least a dozen lunch and after-school detentions each for skipping class (with Alfred it was hanging out with friends, where as Feliks usually went to the mall). "Plus Elizaveta, who is a _girl_, is in here with us. I don't think the teachers would be too willing to look that over."

"You know," Elizaveta added at hearing her name, "your roommate's kinda got a point."

Feliks gave a _'hmpf' _noise showing his disapproval at being over-ruled and returned his gaze to the television, hoping his goody-two-shoes friends would just forget about it. And they did, _eventually_. Toris even found himself enjoying the onslaught of movie-madness, much to his astonishment, once all the chick flicks were over with.

It was in the middle of _'Star Trek'_ (the new one) when Feliciano's friend Ludwig and his older brother Gilbert came bursting through the door, a giant smirk on his face, holding what appeared to be a pack of beer in his left hand.

"The awesomeness has arrived!"

_"SHHHH!"_

Gilbert looked slightly taken back at the unusual response, but quickly understood and shut the door behind him with his foot, smirking again as it closed with a loud thud, making everyone jump. Ludwig gave an apologetic glance toward the group from behind his brother, clearly not there by choice.

"What's with you guys," Gilbert asked after a long pause, only broken by the movie still playing in the background, "You're acting like a bunch of pansies!"

"We don't want to get caught!" Alfred piped up, as if sneaking around after hours was heroic and something to be proud of.

But Gilbert simply shook his head. "Oh, you poor, naive sophmores.

He sauntered (for Gilbert could never simply 'walk' anywhere) over toward the group, his red eyes glinting as he passed Roderich, a somewhat distant cousin, if Toris remembered right.

"Let me give you a little insight," he said, smirk still in place, setting the beer down on the floor as he plopped onto one of the beds. "You should be thankful that the awesome me is willing to let you sophmores in on my awesome senior-level knowledge, so listen up." Despite themselves, most of the underclassmen found themselves leaning in, curious as to what the older student had to tell. Toris wasn't nearly as enthusiastic, but still listened in from the opposite bed, trying his best to act uncaring. Arthur, another senior, merely rolled his eyes, having heard Gil's rant before.

"Alright, so you all probably think if you're not careful the teachers are going to catch you, 'cause they're patrolling the halls or grading homework or some bull like that, right?" Most of his audience nodded. "Wrong. The teachers at this school don't care what the heck you do. They don't even do they're own work half the time! You wanna know what they do once that afternoon bell rings? They're gettin' ready to hit the bars and dance clubs, from dusk 'till dawn. They don't give a damn if any of you pass or not." Feliciano looked about ready to faint, where as Alfred looked a little jealous. "Remember, teachers are adults and if there's one thing adults pride themselves on, it's having a life kids know nothing about.

"And that's not even the worst of it. There are some teachers in this school you can pay off if you break any of the rules. For example," he stated, once again picking up the beer pack, tapping the side for emphasis, "this baby here got through to the dorms for _fifty bucks_ to Mrs. Fritz as I passed by her heading to her car in a very...non-school appropriate dress."

Toris involuntarily shuddered. Everything he was hearing was everything he had wanted to forget about; carelessness, neglect, dissapointment, lies. Of course there would be lies. No matter how far he tried to escape, Toris would always be surrounded by hurt and lies. Adults just weren't capable of giving kids the whole truth...and some weren't even capable of compassion...

_"You're a bad child..."_

_"You shouldn't have existed..."_

_"You're mother's dead and it's all you're fault!"_

"Hey kid, you alright?"

Toris immediately broke out of his trance to find Gilbert an inch from his face with a surprised look etched on his own.

"You were totally flipping out, dude! I mean, I know the teachers here are lame, but that's no reason to cry over!" He'd been crying?

"Torry," Feliks whispered, with the most serious face Toris had ever seen him use, "you looked scared, like, really scared. You were shaking all over, and...um...you did look like you were about to cry..." He quickly climbed up onto his bed where Toris was seated and put his hand on his knee. "Like, is everything okay? You can, like, totally tell me if there's something going on."

Everyone else was looking at him now, obvious concern written on their faces, even the ones who didn't know him that well.

NO! He didn't want to tell him! He didn't want to tell any of them. Toris had been trying to keep that life buried for so long, so that he could finally have a normal one. That was not going to change now, his secret was not going to be blown because he couldn't handle a little flashback without freaking out.

"It's nothing Feliks. I just...I just remembered something, that's all. Nothing to worry about..."

"Well, like, what did you remember?"

"_Nothing_!"

Feliks suddenly looked hurt, and Toris knew why. He never raised his voice like that. He was aware that he didn't exactly wear his heart on his sleeve, but he was capable of getting mad, just...never at _Feliks_. His best friend in the whole world, the first person to ever accept him without question, at least, the first who wasn't obligated to.

_"Hey there! You, like, wanna be friends?"_

He covered his face in his hands, regretting his tone immediately. "Feliks, I...I didn't mean it...I'm sorry."

After a few seconds, Feliks smiled again, as if nothing had happened, and pulled Toris' head from his hands, saying, "Like, it's totally okay! Why don't we just forget about it and keep watching the movies, 'kay?"

Toris returned his smile, although it was definitely sadder, and nodded. They continued their movie marathon and everything almost went back to normal.

Al least, until Gilbert started openning up the beer...

-o-o-o-

Toris often wondered what it was like to get drunk, but he had been too much of a responsible student to even think of trying it before he was twenty-one. But that night, all of his morals had been utterly shattered, and he found out exactly what it was like to..._not be sober_. It was...actually a lot better than he'd thought it'd be. Maybe that was just because he was only slightly tipsy from the two beers he'd had, but still. It was a bit harder to walk than normal, and he wasn't nearly as quiet or wallflower-ish as he normally was; not to mention he was actually laughing, something he knew Feliks had been dying to see since they'd first met. Speaking of Feliks, _he_ was completely out of it. He'd drunk nearly as much as Gilbert (who was by some miricle, still walking around as if he hadn't even started, even though he was on about his eighth), and doing a lot worse.

He didn't think it was even possible to get any worse, and if it was, he pitied the poor soul who had to endure it. Feliks was flopped, nearly upside down, on his bed, eyes unfocused, hardly able to move, and trying to talk (his speech completely slurred) to Alfred, who surprisingly, had only had one beer that night and was trying to convince Feliks to get some sleep. Maybe he'd done this before and knew how things went. From what Toris had heard, Feliks was sure to have a massive hangover the next day. Luckily it was a Friday, so that wouldn't be too much of a problem.

But still, any more and he was almost positive Feliks was going to puke.

Suddenly, Elizaveta, who had gone to the restroom a few minutes before, came bursting into the room panting as if she'd run all the way from the gym, instead of the girls bathroom down the hall.

"D-Dean...Dean Roman...is coming!" she exclaimed panting.

Gilbert shouted "Oh sh*t!", while the rest of the younger students simply stared in shock, Arthur face-palmed, and Feliks continued to lye on his bed mumbling nonsense.

"Well don't just stand there, you bloody idiots," Arthur said (more like shouted), "clean this place up and hide the evidence! Lord knows, you all could get expelled for this!" Apparently he had been the only one not drinking, though this surprised Toris, since there had been rumors that he was quite the indulgor when it came to off campus.

Feet immediately began scrambling around the room, hiding beer cans, straightening the place up, and tucking Feliks in to bed where he couldn't be seen (since he was now considered evidence). The dozen or so movies lay forgotten next to the television, since, compared to being caught drinking underaged and possibly getting expelled, a few late night movies were nothing.

Just as the last can was thrown out the window into the dumpster below (I know, lucky, right?), the door was once again open, revealing their tall, curly-haired Dean, who also happened to be Feliciano and Lovino's father.

"Well, well," he said in his kind, sing-song voice, "this looks like quite the party you all have here. Mind if I join?"

They all knew they were in for it, but Gilbert, ever the cocky one, tried testing the waters in his own...unique way. "Sure thing Dean Roman! We were all just watchin' some movies, you're welcome to join us!"

"Oh, how polite of you Gilbert, but I was actually wondering if maybe you had another beer on you? From the look of your friend in the corner there, you seem to have plenty."

Busted

Toris hesitantly decided that since it was his room and Feliks was too out of it to get them anywhere, he needed to step up.

"Dean Roman, sir, we are extremely sorry things got so out of hand. At first it really was just some movies, but then Gilbert showed up (_'Hey! Don't pin the blame on me!'_) with a pack of beer...and well, things kind of went from there."

The Dean sighed, something the students didn't often see from their cheery head of the school.

"Come on, all of you," he said wearily, as if in the last ten seconds he had aged dramatically, "and bring young Mr. Lukasiewicz with you, if you please." The twelve teens followed their Dean down the hall and up two floors into his spacious office. The walls had dark wood panelling and old paintings that looked hundreds of years old. It probably would've looked stunning in the daylight, but at the time, it just made Toris feel depressed.

He had tried so hard to be a good student, an honorable student that anyone could be proud of, and now it was all going down the drain. One night, and his years of putting the past behind were coming back at him in tidal waves.

"If you would all kindly wait outside for a minute, I'd like to speak with Mr. Lorinaitis first, alone."

The rest of the group, including Feliks who was now starting to sober up, had a confused look on their faces, but nodded and watched as the large oak doors shut behind their clasmate.

"Well," Gilbert said, breaking the silence, "that's definitely weird."

"Like, what does the Dean want with Torry?"

"He's probably just going to speak with us individually," Roderich assured, although in truth, it wasn't very reassuring. All of the students eagerly put their ears up to the door, in hopes of hearing pieces of the conversation that would soon follow.

-o-o-o-

"Toris," Roman breathed as he leaned wearily against his mahogany desk, "I honestly thought you were better than this. You've always been such a bright, _responsible_ student, ever since I took you in. What changed?"

"Nothing, sir."

"Then why," he continued, pushing back off of the desk, "did I find you and a group of friends - which by the way, I am very glad to see that you've made friends besides Feliks - but why did I catch the lot of you drinking, in your dorm room, as if you were another...Gilbert! Who we both know isn't the most responsible boy at this school. Now, I know teenagers need to have their fun; I had more than my share of fun when I was your age, but as your Dean, I have to abide the rules."

Toris just stood there, awkwardly, in the middle of the large, menacing office, and allowed himself to be chastised, because he knew he deserved it. A few tears even sprung up surprising him, for he thought he had long since cried himself dry.

Roman saw this and immediately sympathized with the boy.

"Look," he sighed, "when I took you in from child services, I knew that I was going to get a bright young man, who could do wonders for this school's reputation, but also a wonderful person that I would have the privilege to say I had helped raise. Your early upbringing hadn't been the best, but you always made it through, always tried your best, even now, and for that I am so proud."

Stepping forward, Roman pulled Toris into an enormous bear hug. At first it was almost suffocating and he was more than a little confused. But after a couple of seconds it began to feel warm...like home. He hadn't had that feeling in so long, if he'd ever had it at all. He began to cry even harder into Roman's shoulder, not caring that it was his dean, just basking in the fact that it was his one _good_ caretaker.

"I'm going to let you off this time, all of you, because you're such a good student Toris. Remember that, and keep going, okay?" A small smile found it's way back onto the Dean's face, the scene reminding him of when the boy had been so much smaller, and had been first put into his care. He'd been so, so young, put through more hardship than some could imagine, but always had high spirits. It'd been years since Roman had seen that little boy.

Toris silently nodded, thankful, but too teary and tired to do anything more let out more quiet sobs.

-o-o-o-

The space outside the Dean's office remained still as only muffled sobs could be heard from behind the doors. Some looked at one another, hoping for answers in their friends's faces, as others simply stared at the door or floor in shock of what they had heard.

Feliks was definitely in the later, unable to believe that not only was his best friend, the person who never showed any emotion beyond a small smile, crying, but that he had had a rough childhood that Feliks knew nothing about.

Everyone suddenly backed up as the crying ceased, and after a few moments, the doors reopenned revealing a red-eyed, but otherwise normal looking Toris behind Dean Roman.

Feliks immediately ran forward, eyes shining with determination, and demanded:

"You, like, have to tell me what went on with Torry's parents!"

* * *

O.M.G....this took sooooo eff-ing long to write! DX

But it paid off in the end I think, and I hope you all thoroughly enjoyed it!

Next chapter you all finally get to know what was oh so tragic about Torry's past! Yay! I promise you, it is so full of drama and angst, you'll have to read a dozen fluffy fics just to level it out! XD

OH! And, I am happy to say that this is my first chapter EVER that's more than 2,000 something words long! So yay me! XD


	4. Chapter 3

The entire room went deadly quiet after Feliks' outburst. Perhaps it was the beer still slightly in effect, but many of the other students were silently thinking the same thing,_'what had happened in Toris' past to put him in child services?'_, though too shy to voice it and glad Feliks had done it for them. Toris, however, was standing behind Dean Roman, eyes widenning in shock.

They'd heard him! They knew!

He quickly glanced up at the dean, hoping he would just order them to go to bed and forget the whole thing. Sadly, things didn't often seem to go his way, and this was no exception.

"Very well," Roman sighed, "as Toris' friends, you deserve to know the truth. Especially you, Feliks."

Feliks gave a forceful, appreciative nod, but Toris looked devestated.

"Dean Roman, you can't! You promised you wouldn't tell anyone-"

"You can't hide from the past forever, and certainly not alone. Your friends want to be there for you. Let them in."

It was final. There was no room for arguement at all in his stern, yet caring voice. "Go back to your dormroom and try to get some rest. It will only take a moment."

Looking utterly defeated, Toris nodded, and left the room slowly, looking back at his friends once more, as if to say, 'I'm sorry for what you're about to hear,' before finally closing the door behind him.

Roman looked at them all, individually, before giving another sigh, something that had begun to worry his two sons, and letting them all in to the spacious office.

"Go on in and take a seat, all of you. You're in for a long tale."

-o-o-o-

________________

_How exactly should I describe her?_

_Well, his mother wasn't abusive. To abuse a child meant you had to touch them, and his mother _never_ touched him._

_Her name was Natalia Braginski Alfroskaya, and she used to be just like any other young woman; happy, full of life, and looking for love. It was in the prime of her life that she met Toris' father, a strapping young man with light brown hair, nice eyes and a winning smile. The two instantly fell in love._

_Natalia had expected them to grow old together, happy with lots of children, but apparently her new husband had other intentions. He was less than ecstatic when his wife informed him that she was with child, and on the day their son was born, he disappeared, and even to this day, no-one has a clue as to where he is._

_It tore her apart. The love of her life was gone, leaving her with a child, barely an infant, to take care of on her own. She never forgave him. Her demeanor quickly grew cold, and anything that reminded her of her former husband made her mad with anger. Her son, unfortunately, was one of these things; she hadn't even wanted to name him, so the doctors had been forced to go to her parents who supplied them with a family name:_ Toris.

_It was understandable, not the hatred, but the reason behind the hatred she had for the boy. He looked exactly like his father, in every aspect possible, and the resemblance only grew as he continued to get older. As he grew older, and his mother became more distant, Toris would try to find ways to impress her, to show her what a good son he could be._

_He only ever tried to please her. He got the best marks in his grade at school, and began recieving awards for extra-curricular activities. He did everything and anything he could to earn his mother's love. But the years continued to pass, and still she ignored him. _

_Being a ladder school, Toris had attended St. Hetalia at the elementary. I would try to keep an eye on him, aware of his mother's neglectful nature. I saw that he would sometimes watch his schoolmates, envious of their loving parents. His mother wouldn't even touch him, let alone hug or kiss him. _

_And his birthday was no different, if not worse. It was the one time Natalia would even acknowledge his existence, but only so that she could yell at him. But it probably wasn't even at him she was shouting at, but the husband who had left her with the boy and whom he looked so much alike._

_It was on this day, his twelfth birthday to be exact, that everything changed in Toris' already twisted world. Natalia had been at a bar that day, probably still trying to numb the pain of her loss, when it began to rain bullets outside. Apparently she hadn't thought much of the dismal weather, because she'd still decided to drive herself home._

_She didn't make it three block before her car slipped on the wet pavement and crashed into a tree._

_it was a large funeral, many friends and members of the family had attended, but because of Natalia's harsh attitude over the recent years, most where only there out of obligation. So when the time came, Toris was the only one to give a speech for his mother, before she was gone forever._

_He truely loved his mother, even knowing that his feelings might've never been returned. Because it's just human nature, to love the person that gave you life, existence._

_After the funeral, it was debated for quite some time as to who Toris would live with from then on. His grandparents on both sides were far too old by then to take care of a child, let alone a growing pre-teen. And other family members either were unable to support another mouth to feed or just didn't want to deal with him. In the end he ended up staying with his immediate uncle; his mother Natalia's older brother, Ivan Braginski. _

_The man was...complicated. He was constantly getting fired from his jobs for repeated cases of intoxication on duty or showing up hours late. Yet somehow he always managed to find something new in a matter of days. Many believed it was because he was so intimidating. _

_His drinking habits were deplorable at best. What you kids were doing tonight was nothing compared to his daily routine. Anywhere and everywhere you saw him he would have a bottle of vodka in his hand._

_As you can imagine, Mr. Ivan Braginski wasn't the best canidate for Toris' new guardian, but he was the only one willing to take him. _

_..._

_...I'm not entirely sure _what_ happened to Toris while under the care of his uncle...All I know is that he was abused. Horribly. _

_A few days after his fourteenth birthday, social service officials found Toris in his uncle's house, alone, beaten and unable to move at all. Some of his wounds were old, weeks without care. It seemed Ivan had up and vanished, and after a few days the neighbors, vaguely knowing of Toris' predicament, found it safe to call the authorities. _

_I won't go too into detail about Toris' state, for his sake, as well as your own. But I will say that afterwards, he needed strict psycological help for the next several months. He wouldn't trust anyone, not even most doctors, when they had tried to help him heal. Apparently Ivan had scarred him somehow involving metal objects._

_After he was finally deemed stable, I offered to take Toris in, here at the school, as a resident. I'd heard he was in child services and was shocked, knowing him, somewhat, personally already. I was a friend of his father's in college, and went a few times to visit him as a child when his mother wasn't around._

____________

_They agreed to let him live here, free of board and tuition, until he turns eighteen and graduates. _

* * *

I am soooooo sorry this is so late! I have no excuse.

Just incase I wasn't crystal clear about Torry's situation, let me summarize it (for those of you who think you get it, just skip the next paragraph).

Okay, so Toris went to St. Hetalia, a ladder school (pre-k through high school), as a kid, and continued to go there, even while he was with Ivan. Since Dean Roman was a friend of his father's, he already kinda knew Torry when he was little. He would go over to visit him and watch over him at school. When Roman heard that his student was in child services, he immediately let him stay at St. Hetalia, free of board and tuition. And yes, Torry was actually _a lot _happier before his mother died, whether she liked him or not.

And no, Roman has no idea where his father is. No-one does. And he will not be making any appearances. I often try to keep my OC's at a minimum in my stories.

Thanks for reading, and please don't keep that cute little comment button waiting! :D


	5. Notice

Hello there~

This is a note to anyone who has bothered to read this insiginificant little fic. First of all, thank you for actually reading!

Second, and perhaps most importantly, is that I am no longer going to be updating. It's not a hiatus or anything like that. In fact, I have come to love this story so much (mainly because it was my first and only fic with Lithuania) that I decided to put it up for adoption! Well, more specifically, someone asked me if they could adopt it, since I obviously wasn't doing anything with it, and I said yes!

From now on an author by the name of "Chain of Fate" is going to be handling this fic and any of it's future content. I agreed to give them total creative freedom with it, as long as they kept the chapters I'd already worked on as close to the original as possible.

We are currently collaborating on those chapters, and once those are out, they will be on their own!

I deeply encourage any of you who like this story to go to their page and subscribe, so that when all the work is done and the new version is published, you can see it for yourself. They are a truely awesome author, and I really think the new version is going to be great!

Yours truely,  
Nomad


	6. Update

Dear Devoted Readers I Don't Deserve,

I am immensely sorry with how long the new version of _'Trust Is a Hard Thing to Give'_ is taking to update.

"Chain of Fate" and I decided that we wanted to work more together, since she is a really awesome writer, and for some reason likes my input, so instead of just the first few chapters, we decided to collaborate on the entire thing together! Unfortunately, with conflicting schedules and the like, it's been a bit of a slow process, but we are making progress and hope to start posting by next year!

It's still going to be posted on her page, since she's the main author now. But it was my baby first (I've jokingly dubbed her the 'step-mom'), so you'll still be hearing from me, even in the author comments when she posts. Can't get rid of me that easily!

Once again, I love you all, and sincerly appreciate your patience with us as we try to make _'Trust'_ the best it can be for you. Which reminds me! We've re-named it!

_'Trust Is a Hard Thing to Give'_ is now officially and forevermore_ 'Trust, Tragedy, and Everything In Between'_.

We've both already asked various people we know; some say they like the change, others say they hate it. However, the two of us feel that it's more clean cut than the previous title, and so we went with it.

Don't forget to author alert "Chain of Fate" so you'll know when the new version comes out, and please check out my new sequel to _'Unexpected'_, _'Living With the Unexpected_'!

Yours truely and forever,  
Nomad

(Now look below! :D)

* * *

Aww, did you think that pathetic little note was it? Nope!

Chain of Fate here! I know you all have been patiently waiting for the new version, and believe me, I've been just as excited to post it as you've been to read it, so it really means a lot that you're all being as wonderful as you are.

Nomad gets really aggitated with not posting, thinking that the readers are going to hate her for taking so long (I know, I've been there), but we both agreed when we started that the story should be, at least mostly, if not completely finished before we start posting.

With that said, we also agreed that you lovely people deserved a little something for your patience. I personally think you're going to hate us after this, but Nomad's convinced that it'll give you something to look forward to when the completed version's out.

So, finally, here it is! A little snippet from one of the chapters of "Trust, Tragedy, and Everything in Between".

* * *

By the time Toris stepped out of the convenience store, the sky was dim and the street lights had flickered on.

A chill ran down his spine. It wasn't nearly cold enough to see his breath, but he mentally beraded himself about not grabbing a hoodie before he left the beach house. Not to mention, his t-shirt was still slightly damp from when Feliks had splashed him.

The handle of the bag dug slightly into Toris' hand as he leisurly walked back to the beach front. It was such a nice evening. They were far enough away from the city that the stars could be clearly seen up above, dancing in and out of focus like a signal. The moon was full and bright. The pale whiteness of it faintly reminded Toris of his scars, but only just, because something so magnificent couldn't possibly be compared to something as simple and ugly as his disfigurements.

The trees remained unswaying and the lush grass, bordering the sidewalk and occasionally poking through stray cracks, was still.

Toris could hear others, of course, like a party happening on another strip of beach, or a television playing from a passing house, but for the most part he felt completely alone, like he had his own personal bubble, protecting him. Protecting him from what, he couldn't say.

He sighed. It figured, that even on a peaceful walk he couldn't escape the tension he'd gained over the years.

Suddenly, a new noise caught his attention.

_Footsteps..._

Coming to a halt, Toris crouched down, pretending to fix his sandal, as he chanced a quick look behind him. It was the same three guys from the convenience store, just a few meters behind. Had they followed him?

No, he was just being paranoid. It was very likely that they just so happened to be taking the same route as him. Toris picked himself up, his pretend loose sandal fixed, and continued his way back to the beach house, only quickening his pace by a fraction.

It unnerved him, though, when after three blocks, they not only continued following his path, but decided to walk faster as well.

Toris was starting to panic. His breaths were coming out forced and heavy. His eyes were darting around in every direction, not daring to look back again and give himself away, but refusing to stay still. He needed to shake these guys off before he had another attack. He couldn't risk leaving himself that vulnerable out in the open, especially with three determined strangers on his tail.

He was close enough to the house now that he could take a detour without getting lost, so the second an opening came, he slipped around a street corner and bolted.

Unfortunately, Toris had never been the fastest runner - even Feliks was better than him - , so it really shouldn't have come as a surprise when he heard three distinct sets of heavy footfalls not only in hot pursuit, but gaining on him.

His mind went frantic. He couldn't help but take repeated looks behind at his pursuers, stumbling a few times in the process, only to see them edging closer with each glance.

There was a predatory look of excitement in their eyes. They jeered at him, calling out as they ran. Their initial stalking had just been to rile him up. This was what they'd been waiting for. They lived for the chase, or perhaps, what came after...

_Faster! Faster! Gotta go faster!_

Toris could feel the blood pounding in his ears, hear his ragged breaths, and the dry ache deep in his throat was quickly making itself known. He wasn't going to last much longer.

Another turn.

Gravel flew as Toris skid to a halt, scratching at his bare feet and ankles. The tiny rocks even managed to draw some blood, but he hardly noticed. His heart leapt into his throat at the sight before him. Two upper class, three story beach houses stood side by side, forming the ally Toris had foolishly led himself into. A chainlink fence, nearly ten feet high, stood between them.

A dead end.


	7. Notice 2

I'll get straight to the point.

Chain of Fate has been unresponsive for months now, which I can only assume means something happened, either to her or in her life, that has stopped her from contacting me or finishing the fanfiction. First off, let's all hope that she is alright, and that the reason isn't too drastic.

Unfortunately at this point, unless she returns, I have to cancel the reboot for "Trust". She has all of the re-worked plot and re-written chapters, so even if I wanted to continue without her, I couldn't. The reason I teamed up with her in the first place was because I had hoped I could see this fic live on without having to focus on it too much.

If anyone else wants to take it up, go ahead, I'm all for it. But I won't be doing anymore team ups, so I'm sorry to say you'd be on your own.

Here are the major plot points we were going to use:

- Toris spends a holiday with his friends, and they find physical signs of his past abuse

- Toris' flashbacks become more severe, his friends take notice

- Either Felix or Alfred would've become a love interest (we were going to have a poll, but you can just choose)

- Toris is mistaken for a girl by a group of thugs and is nearly taken advantage of (there's that scene from the last notice), but Alfred comes to save the day! (This scene exists whether he's the love interest or not, but it defines their relationship in different ways.)

- Lots of fluffy filler chapters that have to do with accepting yourself and letting others in

- Then (DUN DUN DUN) Ivan shows back up and wants to reclaim custody of Toris

- Lots of emotions and legal stuffs (and a necessary scene where Alfred/Felix punches Ivan in the face, teehee~)

- Of course, Ivan eventually leaves, and everything is rainbows again

- Skip to junior year and Toris is happily dating Felix/Alfred

- Then Toris' aunt (Ukraine) arrives with her two sons (little Estonia & Latvia) and wants to adopt him, so he can finally have a real family (she was too poor when he was younger to support him)

- Big touchy-feely epilogue where Toris is surrounded by people who love him~~~


End file.
